dan's corner




Why People Remain In Abusive Relationships


  • fear of loneliness
  • financial hardship
  • moral or legalistic commitment to the relationship


Their whole lives are about;

  • submitting
  • complying silently without protest
  • agreeing and consenting in the hope that brings some sort of reward



  • isolation
  • suffer low self-esteem
  • is inassertive about their own needs
  • supports the abusive behaviour
  • the abuse gets worse
  • internalised anger leads to health problems
  • the abuser never ‘grows up’
  • the victim will loose their identity as a person


And it's not always the woman who is being abused.

In both sides of a relationship such as this neither person is willing to take responsibility about their behaviour.

‘He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favour than he who has a flattering tongue’

Proverbs 28:23


  • A rebuke is to show disapproval or give reprimand which should come from an attitude of concern and not of retaliation.
  • If a rebuke comes from retaliation then it will be ineffective and only add ‘fuel to the fire’ and …you will put yourself under the offender’s control.
  • Rebuke should be done in a way that makes room for repentance.


A Good Response would be;

  • Don’t fight an offense with offense as it resolves nothing.
  • Clearly make known the expectations you have about your needs.
  • Define the consequences if your boundaries are not respected.
  • Don’t give in as you will never move ahead in the relationship.
  • Be open to compromise if repentance is present.
  • Meet half way if needs can be met successfully.
  • Stick to your boundaries.


Marriage does not mean ‘ownership’ of another person. Marriage is the union of two people who have learnt how to put the other person’s needs before their own by giving freely in love and faithfulness. Love and faithfulness sometimes means rebuking offensive behavior.

Unconditional love is not a platform for unconditional abuse.


Love is a choice not a phenomenon.